


Choices

by Hazel75



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Almost gen but not quite, F/M, Post-Episode: s02e10 What They Become, Probably too much talking, Skye has choices, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, and free will, lots of talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-12
Updated: 2014-12-12
Packaged: 2018-03-01 05:12:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2760929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazel75/pseuds/Hazel75
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coulson and Skye talk back at the Playground after the events of What They Become.  Lots and lots of talking about destiny, choices and what comes next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choices

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing. Hope it's not too boring. I had a lot of thoughts to get out.

Coulson's behind his desk when Skye walks in.  He can't really call what he's been doing working, more like shuffling papers, staring and thinking.  There's a lot to think about these days.  Things are pretty quiet at the Playground right now.  They only got back from San Juan a couple of days ago, and the pain from Trip's death is still too raw.  Coulson wonders what the swing of things will look like when the shock fades.  For now, there's a lot of hushed voices and blank expressions, like a house of death. 

 

"So, do you think this, this becoming whatever it is I am now, having these powers, was my destiny?  That's what Raina and my father called it." 

 

Skye takes a seat on the couch and looks at him.   

 

"What do you mean, Skye?" Coulson asks, getting up from his desk and pulling a chair up to sit across from her. 

 

"That this was meant to happen?  That no matter what choices I made this was where I was always going to end up.  This is what my life was _meant_ to be.  I was destined to have these powers that I don't want and can't control."  Skye pulls her feet up on the couch and tucks her arms around her legs as though trying to make herself as small as possible.  She's been so subdued, withdrawn, since they left San Juan; Coulson wonders if she's trying to make herself disappear. 

 

"No," he says flatly, lips compressed into a tight line.  "No, I don't believe that.  Raina's no soothsayer or truthteller; she's a master manipulator who twists truths to mean what she wants them to mean.  And your father, well..."

 

"He's a nutjob," she says without humor.  

 

"He's a nutjob who has spent the past twenty-five years thinking about losing you and  avenging your mother's death.  He's had too much time to think of how to awaken something he sees as your last gift from your mother.  How to use that gift in his revenge. But that gift, as he called it, it was a potentiality, not a destiny. There's no destiny or fate.  There are choices, and there is chance." 

 

He reaches out to touch her knee gently and says, "I do think there were a number of people who worked very hard to bring about this outcome, Skye.  Your father, Raina, Ward.  But no one and no force caused your father or Raina or Ward to act as they did, to make the choices they made.  Only they are responsible for those choices.  I only wish their actions hadn't forced your hand.  That you hadn't felt it was up to _you_ to stop Raina and that you had to go down in that damned temple."

 

Skye shakes her head and interrupts, "Yeah, I should have stayed and helped you but--"

 

"Stop. Let me finish, please."  She looks so regretful.  He stands up and gestures, asking permission to sit next to her because he felt too far away.  "I'm not criticizing you or what you did.  I know you care for me as I do you.  And I also know how selfless and heroic, how honorable and caring, you are.  If there was a chance you could stop Raina and the armageddon we believed was coming, you had to try to stop it.  You made the right decision based on the information you had."

 

She looks anguished, her eyes full of sorrow.  "But _I_ was the one who almost caused armageddon.  _Me._   You can't know how that makes me feel.  I was this close to causing the thing we were trying to prevent.  Because of _me_ you and Mack and Fitz and Simmons and May almost died.  And, because of me, Trip did die."  She stares out into space, shoulders bowed by the grief and guilt she's carrying. 

 

Coulson puts a hand on her shoulder, turning her towards him. He speaks carefully.  "Skye, Trip knew there was a distinct possibility he wouldn't survive when he went back down into the city.  He went down there to try to save your life and mine.  He didn't know if he would have time to stop those bombs, but he tried anyway.  Just like you didn't know whether you would be able to stop Raina, but you tried anyway."  _Like I didn't know whether I would be able to get to you in time. And I didn't._ "If he thought he was in a position to help, he was always going to make that choice.  He was like you -- selfless and heroic.  Unfortunately, being a hero sometimes means you don't make it. I hate that.  I wish I could have gotten there before him.  But Trip didn't die because of you.  Trip died because others -- you and I -- were more important to him than himself.  And you cannot let guilt for his death burden you or darken your soul.  That's the last thing he would have wanted for you."

 

Skye shifts to look out the window of his office.  It's a beautiful day outside which seems unfair, inappropriate.  "I want to believe you.  I want to believe this isn't my fault.  That my life doesn't mean pain and death for the people around me.  And I need to believe I can have control over my life, myself, these stupid, stupid powers.  I'm so tired of having impossible choices -- whether to go with Ward or have my friends killed, whether to let some mystical object destroy a city, whether to have some force turn me into a walking wave of destruction.  I'm ready to have a choice that's not between one terrible thing or another."

 

"I am sick of shit like this being forced on you, too."  Skye looks around surprised.  Coulson doesn't talk like this.  His mouth is turned downward in a frown, causing deep, unhappy grooves next to his mouth.  "I am sick of you being forced to react to what's done to you.  Which means we need to figure out your next step before it's forced on us.  We need to figure out how to best control your powers, and what you can do with them.  I think you were right, that you caused that earthquake; I think it was your grief over Trip that came close to sinking San Juan.  I hate that for you.  But you stopped; it stopped.  And I don't want you to withdraw from the world to protect it or to have to depend on your father to lead you through this.  I've been thinking, scouring my brain to come up with some other way to help you and I have an idea."

 

She looks at him.  He's nervous as though not completely sure of what's coming next. 

 

"With your permission, I would like to try to arrange a meeting with Dr. Banner." 

 

"The Hulk?  But what could _he_ do?"

 

"I think he could help you.  I can think of no one more well-versed in self-control.  I'm hopeful that he might have some advice, some techniques that could help you live with your powers.  I don't know him well, actually hardly at all.  We only met once, the day I died.  But I know a lot about him -- what he's overcome and is still working to overcome." 

 

Skye raises an eyebrow, skeptical.  "With all due respect, Coulson, Dr. Banner can't cause earthquakes with his mind." 

 

"Clearly, you've not seen the aftereffects of what he can do with his fists."

 

It was a bad joke, and only gets a small laugh, very small, but he hasn't heard Skye laugh since before Trip's death. 

 

"No, his abilities aren't the same as yours.  But his need for control is; he's been working a long time to control the appearance of the other guy who lives in him. Also, first class doesn't begin to describe his mind.  He might be able to offer some insight into where your powers come from, what they are in addition to helping you learn to control them.  And we can trust him.  We know he's one of the good guys and has never been under Hydra's influence.  Hydra was so entrenched at the Sandbox that I can't begin to think about entrusting _you_ to anyone left from there.  And I do think you help beyond what Simmons, Fitz, May or I can offer.  And he cares; he's kind."

 

"Would I have to leave SHIELD?  To leave you?  Because that won't help my emotional state.  At all.  And you need me."

 

"Yes, but I need you in control," he says touching her shoulder again.  "I need you strong and able and sure of yourself."  He shrugs.  "And I don't know.  I haven't even made a call yet.  I'm hopeful that maybe we can convince Dr. Banner to come here.  Surely, he'd welcome a break from Tony Stark.  It could be a working vacation."

 

She turns towards him.  "Are you ready for this, Coulson?" Skye asks, wanting to see his face when he answers. 

 

"For what?"

 

"To let go of _your_ big secret?  To let these people know you're alive?  This is going to be kind of a big deal, I would think."   

 

"Yeah, I am.  When I took over SHIELD, I promised myself and I promised you all that this SHIELD would be different, that we would make it ours.  Not operating in the shadows, with secrecy and distrust a way of life.  Whether it was Hydra that made SHIELD that way or SHIELD that made it possible for Hydra to flourish doesn't matter.  However, beyond getting rid of levels, I haven't done enough to change the shape of this new SHIELD.  I've held on to my secrets too often, and kept too much to myself.  Now that I know I'm not losing my mind, it's time for me to come out of the shadows, too.  Which means letting people like Stark and Banner and the rest know that I'm alive.  Getting help for you just gives me motivation, Skye, makes me unable to postpone it any longer."

 

"So I'd be helping you get your ass in gear?" Skye says. 

 

"Yep, nobody does it better.  Which is part of why I want us to figure this out sooner rather than later.  I need my best agent and kicker of my ass to be ready for duty as soon as possible."

 

Skye looks away considering his words. "What you're talking about.  Won't that mean we'll need to tell the others about who I am, what I've become?"  Clearly, that idea worries her -- it's written all over her face.  When he had gotten a moment to check on her on the Bus, when she had told him her fears about the true origin of the earthquake, she had told him what her father had said, how she should search him out after she changed because everyone else would be terrified of her.  He agreed to keep her secret because it was the right thing at the time.  And he still won't force her into a decision, manipulate her into doing what he thinks is best.  He wants to give her options. 

 

"Skye, who you are hasn't changed, only what you can do.  You're still you, still Skye. Nothing will change that.  But, yes, if we can bring Dr. Banner in, it would raise questions that would need to be addressed with the team.  I can't and won't promise you that no one will have doubts -- some probably will, but these people know you.  Give them a chance and some time, and I think they'll see you as I do."

 

She looks back at him. "Well, not exactly as you do."

 

He brings his brows together.  "What does that mean?" 

 

They're seating, turned towards each other.  Skye looks at her hands, locked around her legs.  "Coulson, you've said before that I see things differently.  I'm not the only one.  Part of the reason I could talk to you about what had happened down there was because you know what it's like to not be in control.  You know what it's like to be scared you'll hurt the people around you.  You had your mind messed with without your permission, without your knowledge.  You had change forced on you, too.  And I knew I had to tell you because I knew how angry and hurt I was when you didn't trust me with what you were going through.  I didn't want to make you feel that way because it sucked.  I also know you left me in the dark because you thought it was the right thing to do."  Her eyes meet his.  "It wasn't.  It was stupid.  But I learned from your mistakes.  I wasn't going to repeat them."

 

"But because of what you've been through you see me differently." 

 

Coulson shifts a little in his seat.  He doesn't want to be dishonest with her.  That's not the only reason he sees her differently.  He's talked a lot about choice tonight.  Too much, maybe, he's probably sounded like a broken record.  But it's so important to him that she have choice.  He clears his throat and swallows.  

 

"Skye, that's not the only reason I see you differently.  Life has given you obstacle after obstacle.  And you've overcome them all.  You're worried about whether your life has been controlled, is a matter of destiny.  You've never let the circumstances of your life define you.  You've chosen who you are over and over again.  You chose your name, you chose your life on your terms, when you came to SHIELD to learn the truth about who your parents were, you chose to stay and make being an agent something you earned.  And, God knows why, you've chosen to stand by me, to help me, to prop me up time and time again.  You amaze me.  I will always choose you, no matter what you can do or what you are.  But because of who you are, who you've made yourself, Skye."

 

She's moved closer to him.  She looks at him with huge, wet eyes and reaches her hand to his face.  He covers it with his own.

 

"Is it okay if I choose you, again?" she asks in a whisper.

 

"Always." 

 

Skye brings her other hand to his neck, sliding her fingers beneath the collar of his perfectly pressed shirt to touch the skin below and pull him gently towards her.  She presses her lips to his, gentle but firm. 

 

After a few moments she pulls away, leaving her hand on his face. 

 

"Well, the Playground's still standing.  The ground didn't open up and swallow us whole, which is good." Skye smiles and nods her head, with something that looks like confidence. "Okay, Director, it's time to get started; let's make this happen." 

 

Coulson squeezes her hand one more time before standing to walk back to his desk.  There's a long, hard road ahead ahead for Skye, and she's got a heavy load to carry. But she can do it, and he'll be there to make sure she won't have to bear it alone.  


End file.
